This week: Radiators, Drains and another type of person!

Well, since last week it’s been a whirlwind. I promised myself (and you) I would get moving forward with my actions towards success and what a week it has been. I have forgotten just how much I have managed to get done.

I’m still scared a bit but mostly excited, isn’t funny how these two feel very similar, and the only difference is mindset?

I remember a good friend of mine telling me there were two types of people, radiators and drains. People who radiate positivity and vigour, and those who just “drain the life out of you” as my friend put it.

This week, I have attracted lots of radiators, from unexpected places and it’s been inspiring to have them push me forward and I felt I’ve been able to provide a bit of forward movement for them too which is amazing.

I went to a networking event, and although I didn’t do as well as I wanted to, I got there and spoke to people – next one at the end of the month – I will be braver still at that one. Being surrounded by positive and successful people really is catching and I love it.

I’m very lucky that I have very few drains in my life, they probably got annoyed with my positivity to be honest but there are a few and this week I’ve found a way to tune out of it so that it doesn’t “stick” to me.

I only listen to actions.

People moan a lot, I believe some of it is genuine, goodness knows I can moan at times, but I think it’s more of a habit for people. Some people are happiest when they are having a good old moan and sometimes we all need to vent.

But if a moan is genuine, someone will be forced into taking action.

So this little reframe, has made me literally be able to ignore moans, check to see if they are genuine problems by whether people address their concerns or not. It really turned the negativity volume down on people for me this week.

I’m going to attempt to not moan at all this week – a bit of a challenge – any fancy trying it with me?

In my attempt to take action this week though, I encountered another response – neither negative nor positive – but paralysed which was really strange, I’ve seen it before in this person and never really thought much about it but I did this week.

He asked me what I’d been up to this week, and I explained that I was on my way out to a networking meeting to find people to make money for and with. I explained what my plans were briefly and that I wanted to get into property and help sellers find buyers and investors find deals.

Well he just froze, for several seconds, and then made his excuses and left.

Very curious! Most people I have started telling ask at least one question and most have an opinion, but this person, someone quite close to me, literally froze and then scurried away like scared rabbit.

It was hard not to feel little bit offended, I’d chosen very carefully the people I was going to tell but whatever the reason, I had to remind myself that his reaction is his reaction. Maybe he’ll come back next week and ask more, but I suspect it will never be mentioned again which is sad because I’d like to share this journey with him too. Hey ho.

Has this ever happened to you?

The next day though, I met someone I hadn’t met before at work, and we really clicked, I told her my plans and she had loads of questions which really helped me.

When I went to the bank to open a business account, I was able to talk really confidently and passionately about what I wanted to do even though I have never done it before. At first I think the the guy thought I was a fantasist, but by the end of our meeting, he was asking me loads! I felt really proud of myself, I didn’t let his eyebrow raises, or “are you sure” style questions shake me at all. And, I won him over! He started out sceptical but ended up intrigued.

Despite the strange episode halfway through the week, I have taken some quite big actions:

  • I have set up a limited company within which to operate my property plans
  • I’ve got the marketing going on the blog facebook page, with the help of a young entrepreneur
  • I’ve had a bit of brainstorm with a member of an online community I’m part of
  • I’ve registered with the ICO for data protection
  • I’ve outsourced my cleaning (feel so much better for doing this)
  • I’ve attended three training webinars and one networking event
  • I have my first viewings booked
  • I’ve opened a business bank account
  • I’ve written my first policy for my business
  • I’ve almost completed my website
  • I’m joining in much more on the forums and communities I’m part of and getting braver when approaching people
  • business cards and stationery have been ordered

I had a lovely message from a lady checking to see if I’d progressed this week and this really made me realise how important it is to be accountable, and how easy it is to talk yourself out doing things. Having someone checking up on you really makes you want to do even more 🙂

Next week is going to be another week of action:

  • publish business website
  • attend two days of training in London with Cam
  • book more viewings
  • build new relationships
  • register with an ombudsman service
  • write two more polices or processes
  • read one physical book
  • listen to another great ebook
  • listen to podcasts every day instead of music

My favourite podcasts at the moment are:

The Disruptive Entrepreneur

Mark my Words

Goliath Sourcing Academy

amongst many others – podcasts are amazing!!! Find them on itunes or Stitcher

But I don’t know what I want!

For a long time, I’ve been working on sorting out my head and life.  I’ve been on courses, tried new methods and loved every minute of it.  But deep down, I feel I have struggled to understand what it is I actually want.

There’s a lot of things that people can list as their wants, but for me, they are only ever “likes”.  I’d like to have a flash car, but then why would I need one?, I’d like to have a bigger house, but it would just feel empty, I’d like to have more money, but what would I do with it.  Not knowing what you want can be a real challenge when it comes to setting goals.

Since just before December 2017, I’ve been working hard to identify what I want, and it’s certainly true that you get what you focus on.  I duly set myself some goals and read that it’s a good thing to write the goals, down.  Not just once, but every day!  Well this tied in nicely with a journal I had purchased to keep me moving forward so that was quite easy.  I was writing in the journal every day so I just added this exercise to it.

I noticed my goals were evolving each day and after a couple of months, I am really comfortable with them, even though they are “big hairy goals”.

Let me explain the concept of big hairy goals:

If you set yourself realistic goals, you might achieve some of them either in entirety or partially, which is great, but, if you achieve some of your big hairy goals in entirety or partially, you would, by the very nature of how big they are, have achieved much more than the realistic goals. Clever concept right?

I didn’t know what I wanted, but the goals I set have evolved and grown and I noticed that my highest priority is security.  If you read my last post, you’ll know that Mark, my other half, needed to have a real chat with me about not taking action, even though I know the correct path to take.  I realised this links right back to my value for security.

Even though my goals seemed, frankly, ridiculous, when I first wrote them, (and they are massive) they are sitting really well with me.  They seem to be “sticking” much better than any other goals I have set int he past.

Right now, I’m listening to  The Values Factor by Dr. John DeMartini on Audible, and the penny has dropped!  The reason these goals, big and hairy as they are, have stuck, is because they are based on my values.  Everyone’s values are different, so the first stage to figuring out what you want is to figure out what drives you in terms of your values.

Much like everything I have learned, this now seems entirely obvious but looking back, I can see why I haven’t figured this out before now.  Our internal and external lives can be in direct conflict with each other for social or other reasons.  That creates incongruence which upsets us emotionally. I experience this as what feels like a bag of stones sitting in my tummy, I can’t swallow it and it hurts.  As humans, we often yearn simply to just be like others and many of us struggle to accept we are different (all of us are, which is what makes this ironic).

I hear a lot about the concept of being “authentic” and I have tried very hard to live like this since a major event in my life almost five years ago.  People often struggle with this as they aren’t used to authenticity, more used to being “British”, i.e polite and avoiding of difficult topics. The more authentic I was, the more I learned about people and the more people learned about me. How many times has someone said “hey, how are you?” and you’ve just said “fine thanks, how are you?” when you really weren’t fine and would have loved to talk through the issue but were scared in case the other person was just being polite?

Bizarrely, whilst I’m writing this, I’m feeling I’ve veered off the topic slightly, but this has made me realise that congruence or authenticity is also a clear value for me.  And it links right into my security value, i.e. I want to become financially free for security purposes but I have to do this ethically and authentically, otherwise it won’t sit well with me.

So back on track, many people really champion the writing down of thoughts and goals, and I think you can see how much this has helped me in this short space of time already.

Don’t know what you want?  Write some goals, rewrite them every day until they “fit” you authentically and then keep writing them every day anyway.  This will help you to articulate values based wants. Writing does bring out a lot that speaking can’t.  Trust me, my written work is much better quality than my verbal work 😉

If you don’t know what drives you, or you goals don’t “fit” you, read the book above.  There’ll be lots of “aha” moments I promise.

Buy a beautiful notebook or journal and diarise time each day with it.  Mine takes five minutes, not a lot of time for quite a lot of impact.

If you think you don’t have time for reading or learning about this,  find time, do things like listen to ebooks and podcasts in your car instead of music or when you are out running or walking or even at work if you can.  Turn off the television 5 minutes earlier so you can jot down your thoughts and rewrite your goals.

Figure out what you want, what really drives you, it’s often not quite what you think, I am surprised by mine but the clarity of knowing them means I can now plan my future in a way that will be much more sustainable.

Dr DeMartini has a website you can sign up to where you can analyse your values to get you started: http://www.drdemartini.com/values/login